L is for...

Its a funny thing, love. A treacherous battleground of endless heartache and defeat. So why do we keep going back? Why do we throw ourselves headfirst into the rancid, stagnant pool of pain and dejection, of loss and rejection? Masicist.
Sucker for punishment. Self proclaimed, sucker for punishment. No matter how many times it happens, something in me still yearns to give. Its a wonder there is actually anything left to give. How long until my pool of hope runs dry? Till the bitter drought of defeat rolls in? I know how hard it is for me to say love, but to feel it comes so natural, not to say that, that is easy too. How is it possible that i can want so strongly for the gratification of another soul needing mine, while i havent even mended the fragmented shards of whats left of it?
Wanna know what makes it worse? The media. Before you say anything i know, i know. I probably sound like my grandmother when i say that, but lets be honest. How many times a day are we fed delusions of love and happiness through film, poster, book and tv show? How many times do we have to fall from the euphoric high point we were set on by the depiction of love we are fed, that is no where near reality. Edward Cullen? Honestly. Capulets and Monatgues? Not really. How many times do i have to fall before it actually sinks in that it is never going to happen like that. That no man will ever go to the ends of the earth for me, or slay dragons and battle an army of a thousand ships? Who does that? Wanna kow? Can you handle the answer? Lemme tell you then. No one. Thats right. You heard me. No one.
I am fully aware of the fact, but i still cant convince my heart to sit still. how many times do i have to do this? How many times do i have to wallow in the agony of self mutilation, because lets be honest, thats all this is. Mutilation.
They dont deserve me, and yet i lower my standards and requirements, so that they might come close. To make it easier to be loved. Is that not the most vile thing you have ever heard? To degrade oneself so that suitors may have an easier time of seductiopn? Sadistic.
I'm a sucker for punishment. Dont rub it in.